Neural Networking on a Sunday Afternoon

I don't know how to start this blog. I just know I need to write something, since I rarely ever have time to write anything, and spring break has just started, and that gives me one week to take things more slowly. A one week break never meant the absence of work. It does give me however the luxury to take a break in the middle of whatever I'm doing, since after all, one week is one week.

Should I write about things that have moved me lately? I don't know what has "moved" me lately. Nothing profound nor earth-shattering has happened to my profound existence. It seems that in the presence of profundity, everything else is so trivial. Is that a needle you're holding to deflate my ego? Stay away from me!

My allergy however isn't trivial. And so as it turns out, I am still human after all. The weird thing is I've never had any allergic reaction to absolutely anything before. For a while, I thought of waging a mental battle with myself. It involved not scratching the offending itch. It's all in the mind after all. But what's to gain in holding up my defenses? To prove to myself I have total control? What for? And so I gave in, and continue to give in to this pleasure. Of scratching my arm. My legs. My hands. My neck.

While typing this. And while listening to "Motorcycle Drive By" by Third Eye Blind. For a second time. And actually a third time.




I've never been so alone. And I've never been so alive.

Yeah. What's with this habit anyway of highlighting or pointing out certain lines in songs? Is it meant to show that "Hey, I can relate to what the song is saying." Big deal. Who knows what it is the songwriter means when he wrote that line anyway.

But I do it anyway. I guess it's our own way of owning the song. We ascribe meanings to it however we see fit, for reasons I don't know or I'm too lazy to think about at the moment.

Then at this point where I'm writing this blog, I normally would be trying to think of a witty line so the reader will see how witty I am. How cutting-edge. How avant garde. How so above other bloggers trying to write down the insignificant things that happened to their humdrum day. Am I any different from them? Maybe not. The only difference perhaps is that I don't do it as often. I mean, writing about my humdrum day.

Another one of my all-time favorites. "Disarm" by Smashing Pumpkins.



I used to be a little boy
So old in my shoes
And what I choose is my voice
Whats a boy supposed to do?
The killer in me is the killer in you
My love
I send this smile over to you

I consider this as the high point of the song. Listening to the song sends shivers down my spine. Looking at the video provides the perfect visual stimuli to the pathos in the song. The angle. The viewpoint. The motion. Fantastic.

Now I'm not even sure what that's supposed to mean. All I remember is that Billy Corgan wrote this song around the time he was contemplating suicide. Of course he didn't. Thank God he lived to make the Mellon Collie and Infinite Sadness album.

Now, a thought. Why don't these big name bands/performers go to Manila. I hope they've considered it at least. I'd think that more than our Asian neighbors, we're more exposed to Western music in the Philippines. Fine, our neighbors could have Backstreet Boys, N'Sync, Cristina Aguilera, Britney Spears, Mariah Carey and any other hot (or passe) pop act, for all I care.

But maybe our economic standing in the world pecking order puts us at a disadvantage, as somebody I've read somewhere mentioned. Why would they invest setting up a concert in the Philippines? It's always a risk. So they end up going to Japan, Hongkong and Singapore. I guess I'm still not over the fact that I was supposed to see Oasis back in 2002 at the Araneta Coliseum. Already took my leave from work (and God knows how hard it is to apply for a leave back where I used to work). Finally found somebody I could go with who was also into Oasis (more on this later). Of course, I already bought the 2nd highest most expensive ticket. Not bad.

The concert was on a Wednesday of October 2002. The Saturday before the concert, there was some bombing in Mindanao. In Mindanao for goodness' sake! Back then, I haven't even been to Mindanao. Oasis cancelled. Of course I had my ticket refunded, but it wasn't a question of whether or not I was going to be refunded that got my goat. It was the opportunity lost.

One tragedy in my life is that nobody in my immediate circle of friends likes the music I listen to. If Dave Matthews Band or Dashboard Confessional were to come to Manila, I wouldn't be able to invite any of them. Either they don't know who these are, or they are only remotely familiar with these people. Things are different if it was some random RnB act or Kyla or Black Eyed Peas or Mariah Carey. I have no reason to diss these people. They're free to make the music they like in this free world of ours.

I remember back in first year college wanting to watch the Alanis Morrissette concert. I wasn't earning yet on my own, but for some reason I was able to goad my parents to pay for a ticket. I guess that's my reward for being so academically focused, that they would be the ones requesting me to take a break from studying and do something relaxing (a fact my brothers observed with chagrin who had to beg to be allowed to do some social stuff, hahaha). But I didn't want to go alone. I finally found a classmate who was remotely interested but not that interested to shell out money. He was realistic enough to tell me that he would accompany me if I would pay for his ticket. I understood.

I ended up not going to the concert.

What was the last concert I saw? I saw Jars of Clay at Araneta Coliseum, and I had to treat an old friend so I could watch it with somebody (and I was only happy to oblige and treat her, since I haven't seen her for a long time). Then a week after that, we watched Rivermaya and Barbie's Cradle at the Ateneo High School. That was in 2005. These were the last concerts I saw. God knows when the next time would be.

This post is going nowhere. This nonsense stops now.