October 23, 2001 (Part I)

Time heals wounds.

What follows is the report I made some 6 years ago. Names of persons and programs have been replaced to protect the identities of the other people concerned.

What do I make of all these? How has this event changed my life? Do I still harbor residual resentment towards certain people and situations?

Why post this at all?

First, the events as they unfolded and how I saw them.

*******

23 October 2001
10:30 a.m.
[W] Department
[Z] University

The [xxxxxxxxxxxx: name of program] ([YYY]: acronym for program) is a series of lecture-seminars in [W] for high school students, most of whom are from Metro Manila. I, [ubermensch], 22 years old, born 20 October 1979, Assistant Instructor of the [W] Department of the [Z] University, am in charge of managing the [YYY] for school year 2001-2002. The registration fees (P1,000.00 per participating high school student) have been entrusted to me. We had collected around P150,000.00 so far. They were kept in my drawer, which I always lock. It was my intention to deposit them to Bank of the Philippine Islands (Loyola Katipunan Branch) Account Number [xxxx-xxxx-xx (account now non-existent)] of [ubermensch] or [Mr. San Pedro] as soon as I found the time. [Mr. San Pedro], a Part-time Lecturer of the [Z] [W] Department, is part of the team organizing the [YYY] for this school year.

Until 17 October 2001, Wednesday, I haven’t deposited the amount as I was kept busy by tasks I had to do since the previous weeks, for the Conference on Graph Theory and Discrete Geometry, an international conference sponsored by our department. On the afternoon of the 17^th, I was thinking of leaving the money locked in my drawer, to our department secretary, [Ms. Romero], since I was scheduled to leave dawn of 18 October 2001, Thursday, for Baguio for the annual Faculty Rest and Recreation. We were scheduled to be back on 21 October 2001, Sunday. However, [Mr. San Pedro] told me that it wasn’t necessary as I could lock my drawer anyway. I conceded to that, since leaving the money with the secretary didn’t seem to be a significant step, as she was bound to lock up the money in her drawer anyway. [Mr. San Pedro] was also with me in Baguio so he also couldn’t deposit the money. [Ms. Pineda] and [Mr. Abada], the other members of the team managing the [YYY] and also Assistant Instructors of the [Z] [W] Department, also couldn’t deposit the money since [Ms. Pineda] went with us to Baguio, while [Mr. Abada] attended a conference in Iloilo. Thus, I was forced to leave my money in my drawer, and I made sure I locked my drawer before I left the department the afternoon of the 17^th.

I had the keys to the drawer with me when we were in Baguio. I had always felt secure with leaving money in the department. Other people left their money in their drawers in the department. The person who was in charge of the [YYY] funds last school year, [Ms. Razon] (formerly an Assistant Instructor), also left some cash in the drawer.

21 October 2001, Sunday, the coaster which fetched us from Baguio arrived at the [Z] around 3:30 – 4 p.m. I did not go home immediately since I still had to compute in the Math Department the grades of my students in my Ma22 classes as the distribution of their grades was the day after. When I went up the department and when I checked my drawer, much to my dismay, I found the drawer unlocked. I also didn’t find the bundle of money for the [YYY], which is tied by rubber bands and placed inside a white envelope. I didn’t pay attention to the splinters of wood where this white envelope was supposed to be. That time, I was just so intent on finishing the computation of my students’ grades so I could go home early as my relatives were waiting for me for my birthday celebration. I was so intent on this task of grade computation that I wanted to put this issue of the missing money at the back of my mind for a while. I rationalized that I must have left the money with the department secretary, [Ms. Romero], after all.

Unfortunately, when I checked with [Ms. Romero] the next day, she said that I never gave the money to her. I told [Mr. San Pedro], [Mr. Abada], and [Ms. Pineda] about the money which I couldn’t find. They helped me look for the money in my drawers but we weren’t able to find it. We checked my drawers at least twice, and I asked [Ms. Romero] at least twice whether the money was with her. All these efforts yielded negative results. The rationalization we had was that I must have misplaced the money.

As of this time, the only people who knew that I couldn’t find the money was me, [Mr. San Pedro], [Mr. Abada], [Ms. Pineda], [Ms. Romero], [Mr. Ferrer] (an Instructor of the [Z] [W] Department), and [Ms. Evangelista], the chair of the [Z] [W] Department.

Around 4:30 – 5:00 p.m. of the 22^nd, as I was sitting on my chair thinking of the various possibilities where the money could be, I noticed that a part of the drawer where I kept the money, was chipped off. I opened this drawer and looked at the drawer lock. After comparing this drawer lock with that of the other drawer which I never locked, I noticed that this drawer lock was damaged – it wasn’t lying flat and fastened anymore on the drawer. Then, I inserted the key to this drawer lock, and I discovered that the lock wouldn’t function anymore. I also noticed again the splinters of wood on where the envelope containing the money was supposed to be. I immediately notified [Mr. Abada], [Ms. Pineda], and [Mr. San Pedro] of this development, and we concluded that a theft indeed occurred, that it wasn’t a random one and was in fact premeditated. There were no damages to the drawers of the other faculty members and there was no evidence that the door to our department, the Big Faculty Room, SEC A 309, was forcibly opened.

That afternoon, we notified the Vice Chair of the [W] Department, [Ms. Tan], about our conclusion, as [Ms. Evangelista] had already left. ([Ms. Evangelista] subsequently notified [Ms. Evangelista] of our conclusions.) [Ms. Santisteban], Instructor in our department, and who kept office also in our room, was still with us that time, so she is also aware of the theft. [Ms. Romero] was also informed about the theft via the telephone.

We don’t have any suspects for the theft until now.

[ubermensch]
Assistant Instructor
[W] Department
[Z] University
[my home address line 1]
[my home address line 2]
Cell phone: (0917) 4343458
Telephone Number: [my home phone]

The Tenth Dimension

I've always been fascinated with physics, although it comes as a far second after math. In the pecking order of natural sciences taught in Philippine high schools, physics is followed by chemistry then by biology. Biology is fine with me, although I abhor botany. Not to imply that my high school biology teacher sucked (because he was okay actually), but my chemistry and physics teachers were very good teachers.

I guess I like chemistry and physics because of the structural aspect. They are governed by rules much like mathematics. And I guess you don't have to go very far with these two subjects before you encounter some application of mathematics. Physics however is much more mathematical (at least based on what I've seen from my college analytical physics courses), and that is what draws me nearer to it than chemistry. I've been teaching college math for some time now, and there's always a disguised physics problem hiding nearby in the list of exercises.

The other draw that physics has for me is because it's so cutting edge. I would admit that there's a lot to it that I don't know, and I feel it would be so cool to understand at least a little of what relativity is all about, and light and energy and waves. It doesn't help that I'm so much a Star Trek fan, and so my regular viewing fare consists of tachyons, warp speed, spatial fluctuations and quantum singularities. I don't know what they all mean, but hey, I still think it would be nice knowing what these are.

And so it was a pleasant surprise to chance upon the link below. Just how much of it is based on rigorous scientific formulation needs to be seen, but it's stimulating to watch nonetheless. I've long been aware of the interpretation of time as the fourth dimension. The first three dimensions don't need much explanation since we are embedded in it. Or rather, our perception of our physical reality is 3-dimensional. After all, we can attribute length, width and depth to objects we perceive.

Imagining the Tenth Dimension


The notion of certain dimensions being composed of points corresponding to different initial conditions is particularly intriguing. Each dimension is analogous to two points connected by a segment. In one such dimension, the idea that the conditions of the corresponding big bang define each point is an interesting supposition. Wow, different big bang conditions!

I always thought that we could infinitely extend the number of dimensions. If from 2 dimensions we could go to 3 dimensions, and from 3 dimensions we could go to 4 dimensions, couldn't we go from 234 dimensions to 235 dimensions? It's all inductive, I would think.

So why settle for ten dimensions? Is it because for 11 dimensions, nobody has come up yet with an "imagination" for it? In mathematics, it is always possible to go to any number of dimensions, although of course it's all abstract. We then have n-dimensional vector spaces and hyperplanes, and points with n coordinates and their corresponding Euclidean distance formula.

Will inductive extension not hold for jumping from 10 dimensions to 11 dimensions? For the truly knowledgeable, the answer may be apparent, but I'm too lazy to think it up right now, or I am just not confident to make that judgment on my own.

At this point, I can always take comfort in the fact that while I do not know everything, what's important is that we keep an open mind and try to be receptive to new ways of thinking. It is only when we challenge our current modes of thinking and think out of the box that we will be able to make radical advancements in what we collectively know as humans.

Neural Networking on a Sunday Afternoon

I don't know how to start this blog. I just know I need to write something, since I rarely ever have time to write anything, and spring break has just started, and that gives me one week to take things more slowly. A one week break never meant the absence of work. It does give me however the luxury to take a break in the middle of whatever I'm doing, since after all, one week is one week.

Should I write about things that have moved me lately? I don't know what has "moved" me lately. Nothing profound nor earth-shattering has happened to my profound existence. It seems that in the presence of profundity, everything else is so trivial. Is that a needle you're holding to deflate my ego? Stay away from me!

My allergy however isn't trivial. And so as it turns out, I am still human after all. The weird thing is I've never had any allergic reaction to absolutely anything before. For a while, I thought of waging a mental battle with myself. It involved not scratching the offending itch. It's all in the mind after all. But what's to gain in holding up my defenses? To prove to myself I have total control? What for? And so I gave in, and continue to give in to this pleasure. Of scratching my arm. My legs. My hands. My neck.

While typing this. And while listening to "Motorcycle Drive By" by Third Eye Blind. For a second time. And actually a third time.




I've never been so alone. And I've never been so alive.

Yeah. What's with this habit anyway of highlighting or pointing out certain lines in songs? Is it meant to show that "Hey, I can relate to what the song is saying." Big deal. Who knows what it is the songwriter means when he wrote that line anyway.

But I do it anyway. I guess it's our own way of owning the song. We ascribe meanings to it however we see fit, for reasons I don't know or I'm too lazy to think about at the moment.

Then at this point where I'm writing this blog, I normally would be trying to think of a witty line so the reader will see how witty I am. How cutting-edge. How avant garde. How so above other bloggers trying to write down the insignificant things that happened to their humdrum day. Am I any different from them? Maybe not. The only difference perhaps is that I don't do it as often. I mean, writing about my humdrum day.

Another one of my all-time favorites. "Disarm" by Smashing Pumpkins.



I used to be a little boy
So old in my shoes
And what I choose is my voice
Whats a boy supposed to do?
The killer in me is the killer in you
My love
I send this smile over to you

I consider this as the high point of the song. Listening to the song sends shivers down my spine. Looking at the video provides the perfect visual stimuli to the pathos in the song. The angle. The viewpoint. The motion. Fantastic.

Now I'm not even sure what that's supposed to mean. All I remember is that Billy Corgan wrote this song around the time he was contemplating suicide. Of course he didn't. Thank God he lived to make the Mellon Collie and Infinite Sadness album.

Now, a thought. Why don't these big name bands/performers go to Manila. I hope they've considered it at least. I'd think that more than our Asian neighbors, we're more exposed to Western music in the Philippines. Fine, our neighbors could have Backstreet Boys, N'Sync, Cristina Aguilera, Britney Spears, Mariah Carey and any other hot (or passe) pop act, for all I care.

But maybe our economic standing in the world pecking order puts us at a disadvantage, as somebody I've read somewhere mentioned. Why would they invest setting up a concert in the Philippines? It's always a risk. So they end up going to Japan, Hongkong and Singapore. I guess I'm still not over the fact that I was supposed to see Oasis back in 2002 at the Araneta Coliseum. Already took my leave from work (and God knows how hard it is to apply for a leave back where I used to work). Finally found somebody I could go with who was also into Oasis (more on this later). Of course, I already bought the 2nd highest most expensive ticket. Not bad.

The concert was on a Wednesday of October 2002. The Saturday before the concert, there was some bombing in Mindanao. In Mindanao for goodness' sake! Back then, I haven't even been to Mindanao. Oasis cancelled. Of course I had my ticket refunded, but it wasn't a question of whether or not I was going to be refunded that got my goat. It was the opportunity lost.

One tragedy in my life is that nobody in my immediate circle of friends likes the music I listen to. If Dave Matthews Band or Dashboard Confessional were to come to Manila, I wouldn't be able to invite any of them. Either they don't know who these are, or they are only remotely familiar with these people. Things are different if it was some random RnB act or Kyla or Black Eyed Peas or Mariah Carey. I have no reason to diss these people. They're free to make the music they like in this free world of ours.

I remember back in first year college wanting to watch the Alanis Morrissette concert. I wasn't earning yet on my own, but for some reason I was able to goad my parents to pay for a ticket. I guess that's my reward for being so academically focused, that they would be the ones requesting me to take a break from studying and do something relaxing (a fact my brothers observed with chagrin who had to beg to be allowed to do some social stuff, hahaha). But I didn't want to go alone. I finally found a classmate who was remotely interested but not that interested to shell out money. He was realistic enough to tell me that he would accompany me if I would pay for his ticket. I understood.

I ended up not going to the concert.

What was the last concert I saw? I saw Jars of Clay at Araneta Coliseum, and I had to treat an old friend so I could watch it with somebody (and I was only happy to oblige and treat her, since I haven't seen her for a long time). Then a week after that, we watched Rivermaya and Barbie's Cradle at the Ateneo High School. That was in 2005. These were the last concerts I saw. God knows when the next time would be.

This post is going nowhere. This nonsense stops now.

ADMU Survey

Got this from Purpleheadd's blog

X -- things you've done

( x ) eat at Manang's (but of course!)
( x ) learn the alma mater song
( x ) get on the dean's list
( x ) sleep on a bench (in our org room - asg - in colayco)
( ) be a TNT! (but I wanted to be one; just never got around to applying)
( x ) jog around the campus in the evening
( x ) visit the art gallery
( x ) know at least one xerox lady, manong, or technician by name (Ate Alma from Colayco now in SEC, Mang Manny from Colayco now in SocSci, and Biology lab technician Mang Roger)
( x ) get a Jesuit for a teacher (Fr. Ben Nebres no less, hahaha)
( x ) itch from higad bites (freshman year)
( x ) have gotten an F in something (one long exam in Stat 109)
( x ) have taken a crap in school (Faura, SEC, Gonzaga, Lib, Kostka)
( x ) watch a La Salle vs. Ateneo UAAP game (when we won the championship against La Salle)
( x ) give a powerpoint presentation
( ) study in the caf upstairs (already graduated when they had it upstairs)
( x ) watch a T.A. play (oh yeah. Gotta see one next time I'm on vacation.)
( ) sit on the SEC ledge and watch the stars (I'd rather do it anyway in Bel field or the football field)
( x ) eat in Full House, Martha's Kitchen, and Ken Afford
( x ) sleep in the lib
( ) visit Mr. San Andres
( x ) go to the chapel
( x ) have gotten a pebble stuck in your shoe/slippers in the middle of the quad
( ) cut class with your block to watch a movie (we were almost late, but we made it in time, so I guess it doesn't count. Was with my English block. Watched something in Sta. Lucia.)
( ) sign up for those institutional (i.e. difficult but brilliant) teachers
( x ) go to CERSA night
( ) have tried siomai rice
( x ) learn how to smoke (don't have to explain myself, hahaha)
( x ) fall in love (oh yeah)
( x ) actually read the book you keep borrowing from the lib
( x ) play cards during your free time (bridge, but only occasionally)
( x ) dress in business attire (oral exam with Tejido for Th 151)
( x ) learn to stay awake for more than 24 hours straight
( ) have gotten side comments from ASSOC
( x ) take (and enjoy) Saturday classes (math class with Dr. Ian Garces)
( x ) go to your immersion (with an Aeta community in Central Luzon)
( x ) eat Food for Thought sandwiches (for lunch on the run)
( ) get a girlfriend
( x ) take time to read the vandalism in the CR doors
( ) watch `Minsan Lang Sila Bata` for class (and wept)
( ) do a last minute paper
( ) have spent a lot for 1x1 ID pictures
( x ) get exempted from final exams
( x ) attend a college mass
( ) promise to quit smoking
( ) play hide-and-seek in the mini-forest
( ) know where the best restrooms are on campus
( x ) join an org
( x ) allow yourself to make mistakes
( x ) take summer classes (Well, don't the normal course schedules in most courses necessitate this? I always had to parry questions from relatives who thought I failed a course, and I also found it weird that my mother was always defensive explaining that I was taking advanced courses. Duh.)
( x ) admire the sacred heart statue in the evening
( x ) make a video for a project (for Th 151 and Ph 103)
( x ) have a crush on a teacher (Dr. Felice Noelle Rodriguez, you rock!)
( ) attend a Jesuit retreat (pity, no)
( ) have gotten a parking ticket
( x ) come to school in your crappiest yet most comfy clothes
( ) learn how to use the Bayantel pay phones
( x ) participate in school activities
( ) catch the Blue Babble Battalion tryouts
( ) date an Atenean
( x ) ride a tricycle on campus (always been a commuter)
( x ) find a tambayan (Colayco)
( x ) admire the marikina valley at night
( x ) go drinking along Katipunan (oh yeah)
( ) learn how to beg for a higher grade
( ) use your cuts wisely
( ) volunteer to be class beadle
( ) had the worst lottery schedule for reg (I don't really remember, so probably not)
( x ) admire the trees on campus (Especially when the Christmas lights were lit. Magical.)
( ) have forgotten about your freecut and gone to that class
( x ) eat in the ISO canteen
( x ) be active in your org
( ) have signed up on an ACP class just because the girl or guy u like signed up for it
( ) get as many app forms as you can during the job fair
( x ) learn how to cram
( ) sell tickets (or watch) an org-sponsored movie premiere ( Great Expectations, Charlie's Angels... a lot. Was a movie fan)
( ) save money to Xerox all of your seatmate's notes
( ) have accidentally seen a make-out session (pity, no)
( x ) check out the Meron Lagoon and Lambingan Bridge (hahaha)
( ) have dozed off in class in Bel right after a class in CTC/SOM/Comm. Bldg or vice versa
( x ) learn how to work with groupmates from hell
( ) perfect the art of parking on campus
( ) had a bad encounter with one of the guards on campus (I say hi to them)
( x ) develop a love for sisig (understatement. You couldn't force me to eat sisig back in the day.)
( x ) learn how to pronounce `AEGIS` properly
( ) have used typing rooms at the library (Are they still there?)
( x ) have reserved a classroom, AVR, etc. for a class or org function
( x ) have asked the library for an endorsement to research in other libraries (UP and Philippine Stock Exchange)
( ) have lost a perfectly functioning umbrella
( ) have used consultation hours properly
( x ) Looked forward to lab breakage refund, in case you didn't break any equipment
( x ) visit the Guidance Office (was a scholar, and part of our service hours was visit the Guidance Office at least once each semester.)
( x ) and Infirmary (go back to item above regarding higad itch, hahaha)
( ) peed on the konyo bench
( ) watched the sunset from the gate 2/3 field (but from the back of Faura, yes)
( x ) spent night at gate 2/3 field (senior year just before graduation. It was supposed to be an overnight thing, but the guards drove us away.)
( x ) took the Barangka steps at least once (part of my jogging route)
( ) hung out at the Doghouse and actually felt superior to everyone
( ) drank the water from the rizal-era pipes
( ) referred to classes between 1:30 and 3:30 as "siesta time"
( ) played in the rain, with your friends

I don't usually answer surveys. Suffice it to say I enjoyed this one.